It takes a special kind of knife

I’ve been plagued all my life with a strange … affliction. I’m not sure if it’s something that I do to deserve this or it’s just my fate.

I’m the ‘midway friend’.

What I mean is, it seems like I’m the person that people befriend as the last resort. After all, no one wants to be friendless. So why not make friends with that guy with the crazy hair and crooked nose? Sure, he says oddly weird things sometimes but he’s nice and friendly.

But then, as I get comfortable after some time hanging out with that friend or chatting with them, something sad eventually happens. I get ditched. Sometimes it would be my fault. I push to hard for something or I say something less kind or accusatory. Then the friendship seems to dissolve. However, I look back and it seems like it’s more of the BBD. Bigger Better Deal. A new person comes along and my friend no longer talks to me very much. Barely says good morning. Seems they just … tolerate me.

I know that friends don’t last forever. Rarely can you find a friendship that lasts long. Maybe I’m just sentimental. But where is my Sam Gamgee who walks to the end of the world into the depth of a volcano with me, even after I’m possessed?

There is a Bible verse from Proverbs 18 that says this:

24 A man of many companions may come to ruin,
       but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

I’ve been more hurt by friends than enemies. It makes it hard to trust. Makes it hard to get close. I could list things that I’ve gone through with people who claim my friendship.

This is more of a rant post than any end result.

Today I will end with saying: I can’t let people get to close anymore.